You’re probably wondering what you’ve gotten yourself into by clicking on this post. “Liquid Foreplay you may say?” “I’m still working on regular foreplay!” What am I talking about? Coffee, of course!
Coffee, the wonderfully caffeinated beverage used around the world to stimulate both the minds and bodies of those who drink it.
Coffee has been used as the all-natural human battery charger since the 15th century, though some legends suggest that coffee was enjoyed as early as the 4th century. Upon realizing the potential of coffee, nations and traders transported it across land and sea, and in the process, coffee underwent changes in both style and preparation.
Still wondering what coffee has to do with foreplay? And more so, what does liquid?? I’ll leave the latte (ha!) for another day, but I can tell you all about the former. While researching the coffee drinking habits of Europeans, I discovered that Italians apparently make the best espresso, and that 1 in 3 Romanians never leave home without a satchel carrying soluble coffee. The commercial below is for Nescafé, the largest retailer of soluble coffee in Europe. The language is Romanian.
Interesting enough, right? Sure, but then I came across something that no barista could be prepared to serve to guests, something representing unbroken grounds (ha?) for the coffee market. The sanctity of coffee has finally been fused with sex. Introducing… Magic Power Coffee.
Magic Power Coffee is a home-based business venture created on a multi-level network-business model. You may need another shot of espresso to unpack all of that, but essentially it means that any average cup-of-Joe can order Magic Power Coffee and become rich by selling it to his sexually frustrated friends and family. And if you haven’t figured it out by now, Magic Power Coffee will have you and your significant other French pressing all night, if you know what I mean. If the fusing of coffee with sex hasn’t sold you, Magic Power Coffee also claims that it works on both men and women.
In March 2010, Magic Power Coffee opened its doors for the German and the Spanish market, even creating language specific websites. So, no matter what language you speak, you’ll now be able to understand the meaning of scam. (Note: The German website has apparently been shut-down and is awaiting review, i.e. the Germans figured it out.) The Magic Power Coffee business really took off in North America, and now has its eyes on the European and South American markets. The theory, at least what I take it to be, is that (a) many people worldwide are looking for a way to correct the (insert sexual issue here) they have, (b) Europeans already drink a great deal of coffee, and, (c) since soluble hand-held coffee packets are already very popular in Europe, particularly with Germans, Turks, and Romanians, it won’t be a great leap to introduce another packet sized product onto the market.
I haven’t tried Magic Power Coffee, but maybe I should before I start judging it? Oh wait, this is one of those get-rich-quick schemes. Yeah, the ones that were either a lie all along or that cause some kind of bodily harm or are a serious health risk.
Feeling unsatisfied? Read up on coffee trivia here.
P.S. Does anyone know where I can find information about a group called the Kaffee Schnufflers? They are claimed to have been an organized outfit created by King Frederick in Germany to snuff out illegal coffee roasters and smugglers, but I couldn’t find any reliable information that wasn’t in trivia form. -Eine Bekannte von mir hat diese Seite über eine Kaffeerösterei in Hamburg gefunden. (to translate, copy and paste here)